The Darth Quader.

DUDE!

2011-12-14T00:21:00.000-08:00

What's up? Oh really? That's cool. Me? Nahh, just chillin. Oh, yeah we're not friends anymore... again. Did you hear? Yeahh. She needs to get her shit together. This time seems more permanent though...

Anyway, wow. Been a while huh? I find it funny how when I have no one to talk to or when I have a fallout with a certain someone is when I resort to blogging. Hm. So I really despise her at the moment because she gets pretty self centered and has no idea of the repercussions of her actions. Nor can she walk in the shoes of other people. I don't know if she knows that. But she doesn't think, and has no kind of filter for her mouth. But I guess this would happen sooner or later. Us, not being friends. The bad terms part is really what shocks me though. We were both pushed off the edge though. For me it's rare that it happens. I usually keep a good amount of cool to stay collected. But I kinda lost my shit. My lips were even snarled the whole day. She has no idea that she brought this on herself.

I have no faith in her ever understanding.

On another note, I hate that feeling of mutual dislike. It kinda bothers me. It makes my days slower and makes me feel a little miserable. Almost wishing she feels as miserable as I am. I apologized to her today. After a nap, I woke up and I had the scariest feeling that I was falling. I was just in bed, looking at my computer and my body like, fell through my bed. I know it sounds weird and like, 'blog worthy' but really, it happened and scared the shit out of me. I thought there was an earthquake. I had to look up symptoms of vertigo after. Haha. Then I felt like my brain shifted and I decided to apologize for my drunken anger. As expected, I wasn't forgiven. But that's okay. She's whatever. And I know she doesn't need me anyway. She never did. But now more than ever, I'm useless. She has everything she needs, and I mean everything. ~_o <= wtf is that. But yeah. Strange really. Seemed like an old married couple yet we were never together once. Really weird. I've been counting the days we haven't been friends and it's weird because it seems so long. Lol. I know our friendship changed, and that was both of our faults I think. I've become closed off to the majority of your first world problems that I couldn't reply to. Because I'd just brush off those kind of things. But apparently it's my fault that I change the subject or can't reply. But when I have a problem I get the same response from you. "Ohhhh." or "I don't know what to say.." I can see that it pretty much goes both ways. So I don't wanna bother with my problems either. Also because they're exactly that. My problems. Won't burden you with those. What a fuckin' headache we are. I hate us so bad sometimes. Our little dance. But it's times like these where everything I do, I do it better. Only, only, only, because I want you to notice I'm doing good. Now that I'm done with work and school and I have all this free time that I would be spending with you. Which I now spend sleeping. It's horrible. Fuuuuck. Lol I just realized how my statements went from 'her' and 'she' to 'you'. I guess I must've gotten too into it..

Well she ain't textin' me back and she says it'll take a lot for her to forgive me. I wonder what it would take. Kinda dumb when I'm not totally in the wrong. I mean I did say things beyond appropriate but that was a mixture of bottled up anger, and the stacked anger of the day. Lol I was pretty fucked up. But I didn't really regret it. Until now that is. Exponential regret as time passes. Damn You. Damn Me. Damn Everything. Damnit.

The way things are going now, yeah, we're not going to be friends or anything any time soon. Different paths and different people. This is definitely the same cycle and history repeating itself. Just a new guy she'll probably be with for 2 years, or rushing a relationship until it has to end.

Great situation.

Ay Quader, keep it real forever. K, thanks.

JQ

Another Day of The Program

2011-01-05T16:06:00.000-08:00

It's not going smoothly. I feel like I don't know what's happening in the day. The dumbest part is that it feels like a break up. And it's absolutely not. Well, I guess it is, in a sense. Her christmas gift finally came in the mail, or, 1 of 2 at least. And I don't really know what to do with it. Seeing her just goes against everything. I'd love to drop it off. Haha. Idk. It's too early to reconcile, I think. I accidentally texted her today. I never thought I'd do that. How retarded. Well this is just a quick blog before class. My mom was off work today, so I had to drive everywhere. Funny, I was in Wildomar most of the day. Right next to the house. I almost involuntarily went there. I went to Starbucks there and even got gas by Del Taco. Funny. Well, I have nothing else to do. So I'm just going to leave for class early.

Later, Quader.

"Do what makes you happiest."

J.Q.

Blogging Again.

2011-01-05T02:01:00.000-08:00

How rude of me to just blog and not play ketchup and mustard with you.

So I started school in November. It started out awesome. The teacher was nice and easy, and class was a breeze. I liked it. But she was just just filling in because she got a better job somewhere else, so we got a new instructor and shit just got tedious. Now I know what it feels like to have a fried brain after learning so much. At the end of the day I'm seriously just mentally tired. Shit man. It's not fun anymore. Blah. Christmas Break was such a nice time off. But now its back on the grind for the new year. 2011. Wow. The New Year always seems like a big deal. But it happens every year. I don't know why it seems like such a longer time. Hm.

So, I made a change this year. I did something I probably should have done a long time ago. I guess in some way, I manned up and did the smart thing. I put a halt to a friendship and withdrew myself from it. I won't lie, it's really hard. It's taking its toll on me because I have nothing to fall back on. I don't know if it's easy for her, because she has a cushion. Something to replace it with. I'm sure this is what she wanted. I'm a damn inconvenience. She doesn't need me for anything anyway.

She was a poison that became medicinal to me. It's sad. And it's dumb that I already miss talking to her. Man, I'm such a shit. Well, I hope she's satisfied. And with 40% truth, and 60% sarcasm; I hope she's happy. I guess I just want her to miss me. That's the truth really. Pathetic, I know. I hate that I'm trying to make this happen. I really wish it was forced to happen. Like I moved away, or vice versa. Something against our power. It'd be a little easier. Actually, I do want to move away. I just want to be away.

I feel so numb. I just don't feel like talking, and the smallest things irritate me. Someone asking me a question already stirs me up. Because it means I have to answer them. I have to speak, and think. I don't want to. I just want to stay in bed and sleep, then when I wake up, sleep some more. I hate waking up and I hate trying to fall asleep. I'm scared.

No quotes today.

Jay

Hey You.

2011-01-05T01:24:00.000-08:00

What's happenin' Quader?

I'm in a Coldplay kind of mood. I look back on my old entries and it's almost as if nothing has changed. I guess I only blog when I feel this way. Therapeutic, yeah, but sucky that I document and keep a carbon record of when I'm feeling low. Sigh. I feel empty. Like I'm missing something that I need. I am so fucking stupid. I guess I just love poison. Referring to that previous post, I still need that good cry. I wrote a note to myself today during class today. I pretty much blogged in my binder during class. Today was a hard day. Yesterday was too. It's really hard for me not to communicate with certain people. I just want to so badly. It's almost splitting me into two. I hope I can fall asleep tonight, and I hope it'll help.

You're the only person I can talk to right now, Darth. Thanks.

JQ.

...

2011-01-05T01:08:00.001-08:00

...

Placebo Effect.

2010-10-06T20:40:00.000-07:00

Fuck. I sorta cried today. I was doing so well in keeping my eyes dry too.

It's times like these where I just want to get fucked up and smoke weed. I'm starting to really hate my life. I mean, I always have. But now it's like, really? Still the same shit as before? Why can't something fucking change? I'm starting to not be able to take it anymore. I used to have this thought that would make me sad; I would think about all the people that would be sad if I died. How they would be affected if I selfishly offed myself. It used to make me cry. I tried to think about that again and I honestly couldn't think of anyone that would really care. Ah, I know that sounds so emo and lame. But updates with me and other people just haven't been happening lately. I've been left in the dust. Waiting until the fun starts or till my life picks up is almost not worth it anymore. I want to drink water and pretend it's hard liquor. I want to take my vitamins and pretend its painkillers. Because all I can do now is just pretend. It's just sickening. This is sounding like a suicide note. But who's blog doesn't? I just had to let this out. Lately everything I do is just unhealthy for me. It's all just becoming not worth it in the end. I think I need to have just a good cry. Like a full out, don't hold back type of cry. I choked back some tears with today's session. I just fuckin' hate shit right now. Let it be over.

Jay Quade.

First Of The Month.

2010-09-01T07:54:00.000-07:00

It's finally September, and man, what a month August was. Not only was the whole month stress filled and shitty, but it ended with such a bang. Appropriate don't you think? Well, good morning, Quader. I just thought I'd stop by and say hey. I've been spending a lot of time with my other blog lately. Don't worry, I haven't forgotten about you.

But I'm tired as fuck so I'm going back to sleep.

Peace

JayQ.

Retiring the Quader.

2010-08-31T20:07:00.000-07:00

This will be my last entry for this blog.

Thanks for keeping my memories Q!

Hm, I'm not so good with goodbyes. Normally I'd hug you and then just lag on letting you go. But I think I can just easily say Peace out, dude.

Mmm, I'm no good with this, so maybe this won't be my last entry, I like the name Darth Quader. Hahaha. It's catchy, no? So maybe I'll keep you around, you might just come in handy. I just want to make a new blog and be fresh like lettuce, or something. Lettuce just seems really fresh to me for some reason. Haha. Or like salad.

Nevermind, not salad. Too much has already been tossed. Ugh.

Zing.

So, on with a new blog. I wonder what I'll call it?

Take care of yourself, Quader. Don't be too public.

Jay Eric De Leon Quade.

WOD.

2010-08-29T23:17:00.000-07:00

World Of Disappointment.

So Saturday was a long day that I ran on a nice 2 hour blink, a nice insult to sleep. I felt like the whole day was in shambles and the whole excitement of waiting for that fizzled day out when I got there. All my feelings sort of just collided together into confusion. It was just such a weird feeling. Then the music cut being the one that we worked so hard NOT to use was used. That was so dope. 2 seconds into the music and I was like, 'ohp, we're probably gonna be disqualified.' Hahaha. Fuck Fuck Fuck Fuck Nigga Nigga Nigga Shit Shit Shit. Lame. There were more cuss words than me asking my little sister to get me a water bottle from the garage. And that's a lot of cuss words. Sigh. More of my time and work wasted. Everything just seemed very tangled the whole day.

As for a personal standpoint, I put a big portion of myself into this and it kinda makes me feel pathetic that it turned out the way it did. I think it's safe to say it wasn't totally my best, given the little time and the stress we all had. But it still reflects me and I feel as if I really to bounce back to recover, I won't succumb to this disappointment. Another thing was why I didn't feel like being there. I don't know why but the whole time I was there I couldn't help but think of how much it wasn't my scene. I was seriously walking around for an hour. It was almost depressing how everything made me feel. I had more fun hanging out in parking structure with the boys and with Joy in my car. Sigh. But all in all, going to my first WoD and competing in it was a good experience. I liked it.

Then afterwards, the team split up to eat with another team, which I guess is fine with me, no big deal because we all had to be home at certain times. But the fact that we showed up where they all were and made it seem like we wore out our welcome is what made me question the past few months of rehearsal and laughter. They were nice enough leave a space for tension, but not for the rest of their team mates. Not to be hostile, it was just a little awkward. Because I don't remember doing anything to deserve a cold shoulder. Thanks for your consideration guys! I don't know if we walked in at the perfect time for them to stop talking and for us to listen in, because it seemed like we weren't allowed to know what they were saying. So Joy, the guys and I went to Denny's. Ahem, the Denny's parking lot, then decided to fuck it and go McDo. It was a good time. Then a tiresome drive home and some more non-sleep.

All in all the good times of the day made it all worth while.

"I'm in repair." -J. Mayer.

Quadasaurus.

Squares.

2010-08-27T08:48:00.000-07:00

It's been almost 6 years and I'm slowly being pulled into square one. How unfair and stupid is that? Why do I always have to be such an inconvenience? Something's gotta give, and something has to work out. Let's just hope it's the right way this time around. It seems it won't change because it's always just repeating itself, so in my opinion there's no better way. I don't know why I'm allowing this to happen again. Intoxicated by the promise of all the moments spent alone. I totally thought I was overcoming this too. Sigh, what a shit. What a fuckin' shit fuck ass trash. Shit fuck ass trash mother fuckin' gay shit. Damnit. What to do? Absolutely no idea. I think I'll just go with it. Sort of, an auto-pilot, if you will. Just let life take the reigns as I go for the ride. Smooth sailin' or crashing and burning. Pitchow! Oh, how the excitement ensues.

9:0o A.M.

After a dream about monsters and being a hero.

"Oh my god, you're such an idiot!" -Anonymous

Jay.

Hello Again!

2010-08-26T22:39:00.000-07:00

Ay wassup Quader.

So check it out, what if, our tongues had orgasms? Like, they came if you ate something good. Ya know? Like, "oh shit man, I love apple pie with ice cream, that shit makes my mouth fuckin' cum." O.O Hahaha, or like, you make out with someone and make their tongue jizz. Whoa there. Hahaha. Eat a girl out and fuck around and get her pregnant. Hm, intriguing eh.

Or what if like, your private parts were on your forehead? Like a horn, or a hole. Hahaha, and it was just normal to show it off. You can like, kiss and fuck at the same time! Wild, literally, fuck some brains out. Budump tch. Oh man. Or what if, chicks pissed out of their boobs? That would be hilarious, and the bathrooms would be like, a high urinal. Haha, ahh good stuff.

K, I think I'm done wondering. The human anatomy is what it is, and so far, I love it.

K thanks, peace.

Jay Quade.

Thursday.

2010-08-26T21:56:00.001-07:00

Winding down, closer and closer to Saturday and the stress seems to continue. This month has been seriously physically and mentally draining, and both of those together starts an emotional drain. And that takes a lot out of me yo. Ahh. I hate being in holes like these. Oh well, after this weekend, I am gonna relax my ass off. I want to just lay down and stare at the sky for like 3 hours, and just be left alone with my thoughts and relaxation. I can't wait for that. If only it wasn't so fuckin' hot outside. Wtf, sun? Quit being a piece of shit. Maybe I'll use the rest of the week to catch up on some sleep. I'm seriously excited for that. Now that I don't have any school, I'm free to just bum it up at home. Yusss! I wonder what video game I should get into. Hmm. Maybe I should take up a new hobby, or finish up all my old paperkrafts. Sounds good. Yay for my desk though. It seriously makes me want to do productive things. I love having a nice workspace. Haha. I hate being stressed. Did you know that stress is carcinogenic? What if I get cancer because all this stress is just overflowing my glass of carcinogens? That would be horrible, I would kick someones ass. I don't really know who. Just someone. Haha. At this point I just want to have fun now. Just chiiiiieeellll, to da next episode. Busy tomorrow, Saturday, Sunday and Monday. So I still can't relax just yet. Graaaaaaaaaaahr. Soon enough though, Imma relax my ass off. Relax to death. I wonder if you could relax to death. Maybe that's what retirement is.

Hm...

"Do the ditty-ditty if ya, want to." -Paperboy.

Yours always,

Jay Quade.

Someone

2010-08-26T00:41:00.000-07:00

make me happy for longer than a week, no make that a month, and I will buy you a boat.

Bloggink.

2010-08-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

Hey blog. What's up?

I'm tired and I don't know what to talk about today. But I'd like to make a habit of blogging everyday. Sooo, I'll just do what I do best;

Rant.

There was a storm here and it was wild, it looked like some 2012 shit yo. I was at Kev's house and we saw that it looked pretty gloomy outside, so we open the door and we hear thunder and sirens and all the animals were barking and crying. It was like, dude what in the fuck just happened? Foreaals. Haha. Crazy shit yo. Ah, today was a long day but I seriously cannot remember what the hell I did today...

I watched Stand By Me. Hahaha. It was pretty good, I remember watching it when I was really young so I thought I'd relive the classic with what I know now. Pretty good movie. Mm, and then yeah. I didn't do much today. It's so hot I want to take a cold shower.

Today's story:

I was at the bank today, and this old lady and a tall black dude were having a conversation about age. The lady was telling dude how she's shrinking as she gets older. Then nigga guy was like, wait till you're 49. And the old lady was like, I'll never be 49 again, or 59, or 69, or even 79. Nigga mista asks how old she was, "83." And both of our eyes got big. Then mista darkness pushes me and says, we should be mad at this guy. Because I'm so young and charming. Laughter to lull and we all moved on.

That was today's story. "Cool story, bro."

Today's quote;

"Trick, love the kids." - Trick Daddy.

JQ.

Tuckering 2.

2010-08-25T01:15:00.000-07:00

I love that music can provide therapy for me when things get ugly. Lately things have been pretty stressful and unfair, and I hate when things are unfair. Makes me wanna shoot a mothafucka in the face and then spit in the wound, nahsayin?

Ah, World Of Dance is right around the corner and this is my first time going to any WOD, and my first time competing in a hip hop show that actually has hip hop teams, rather than the TDC competitions where the hip hop consists of puckered lips, cell phone fingers, and that sassy white girl attitude. So this is sort of a big deal for me. I'll give it my best. I want to win something. We could win 3rd place in my wildest dreams. But only 3rd. Haha. That's what I'm aiming for. But if a pig flew that day and we win 2nd. I will seriously cry. Haha. That shit would be a headsplosion yo. At this point all I can rely on is hope. I've done all I could and now I just have to let it flow. Letting everything just flow just sorta became a lifestyle lately. I can't do much about anything so I just let things fall as they may. So far, I've gotten nothing fair. But I don't want to dwell much on such things, and I won't bring cheese with my whine, because I hate cheese, and I hate whining. Haha. Braaaap.

So I dropped all of my classes at my community college because I got into Kaplan and I didn't want to overlap and take useless classes. And this lady was trying to counsel me asking me if I was sure I wanted to do such a thing and be just another college drop out. Stupid dumb trick ass hoe, I'm just going to another school. Her mouth shut after I broke it down to her condescending ass. What a dumb bird.

Then I had to drive all the way to Moreno Valley and I got lost in the middle of Kansas, California. It was ugly. It's weird how different places can look. My aunt needed some medical assistance which took a nice 5 hours of just waiting in line and finding out all the paperwork wasn't filled out. :] Yay I get to go back!

Fuckin' shit.

Then SK practice. Rehearsing for WOD gets pretty stressful when we have to work around people's 'schedules' and schedules, as well as 'priorities' and priorities. Getting down to the crunch and everything is becoming hectic. As of now I'm entering clutch mode and I'm not getting sidetracked. From here on out, it's mamba time.

I hung out in a coffee shop today with Joy. That was fun. I like sitting in coffee shops and talking, even if we have no coffee. Or anything to drink for that matter. Pure loitering. Haha. She gets stuck in holes and try to dig her out, and throw in an occasional life raft when she starts to drown. I wish I got paid for that kind of job.

Overall, today was a long day. Topped it off with a sub sandwich, and shower, and some blogging. I think it's time to end the night and start the sleep spell. Just wait till whatever time it is that it wears off. I guess I like to end my blogs with a good quote that I feel is necessary, or relevant. Most of the time it is, but some can be totally random.

Today I'm going with;

"I'm the hero of this story, I don't need to be saved." - R. Spektor

Jay Quade.

Tuckering.

2010-08-19T21:36:00.000-07:00

Slowly, but surely. I'm becoming worn out. It's ridiculous yo. I still continue to spread myself thin and it's getting the best of me. But I ain't no got darn quitter, ya hear? Haha. We all do the things we do simply for consideration. Anyway, on to the nonsense.

So I got into Kaplan and I start the X Ray program in November. How exciting. I hope it's cool and fun and like, my field. I guess. I went to the hospital today and for some reason, I just can't stand being there. Facade central. Haha. I don't know. For a second, I reconsidered my profession. Meh. Man up, Quade. Get money, get paid.

So, I got a desk. It makes me feel so studious. Like, I actually want to do my work. I was so excited when I got it. Then I put it together and I felt like a man. Like a, eat steak, go camping and barbecue type of man. I just need myself a good chair. It's weird how just getting a desk makes me a better student. Haha. Lately, I feel like I'm becoming less and less interesting. Even when I blog and tweet and tumble. I'm just a boring ass mutha fucka. :/ Hm, sucks. The less interesting you are, the less friends you have. Hahaha. But I'm cool, and my handful of friends know who they are. I guess that's all that matters.

I'm physically and mentally exhausted at the moment. Relatives and their issues, school, school, school, WOD in 8 days, personal things, social things, blagh. I just want to relax for a whole week. Haha. I don't even know my left and rights anymore. I'm an idiot.

Lots on my mind I don't even know what to think about. That's when you know yo shit is fucked. Lol.

Hm, whats a good quote to end this with;

"You don't know the things I'm capable of." - Lex Luthor.

Yee,

Jay Quade.

Nutshell-tered.

2010-08-02T00:35:00.000-07:00

I don't really see the fun in hard partying. Or the excuses in it. I mean, I'm sure it's fun. I know it's fun. But I guess I just don't see the priority in it. I guess it's just not my scene. A small kick back with good company with nice conversation seems better to me. Hanging out and watching a movie seems more fitting. All these party goers are the exact same type of people that don't take drama too well. Little do they know, they're starting it with all this stupid shit. Grow up, son. I don't mean to sound hostile. I just don't like the whole party scene, and I feel like there's a rare few that feel the same way as me.

Parents; sometimes they really are fuckin' idiots.

2010-06-14T23:31:00.000-07:00

So I got in trouble earlier.

...For leaving the sunroof cracked open because the car gets hot, and also, because it stinks. Thanks to the food she cooked, spilling in the trunk. So I thought I'd air it out. My mom tells me, "it's better to leave da sunroof open instead of the windows, who knows what kindsab cressy people get take da car you know?" So I guess I took her advice. Then this bitch comes barging into my room - after a nice day of comfortable silence, might I add. - and starts bitching about the sunroof being open. Saying shit like, "what if it rains hah? Who's ganna be da one pixing all that problems wit da car hah? You know, you dunneben car about me, you dunneben care what happens to da car. Someone can jass take da car an you dunneben care! Why is it you are not pokussed? Hah? Becoss you dun do natting at home? All you do is sit and play! and you dun do natting! You know, I'm so old, my brain iss old, and I heb to remember that stuff? I hab to remember dat you left the san roof open? If it rains, den what? All da water can jass get in to the smallest ob da cracks. You tink I'm stupid? Like I am a stupid filipino lady? Hah? Ohhh you dont knoow, my inteleegence iss far more dan you, you dont knoww. Samting is wrong widjor head! Why is it you think like dat hah? Whershor brain? Stupid! ..." Believe me, this shit goes on. And all I said was, didn't you tell me to leave it open? Not trying to make myself sound glorified, but I seriously didn't say it with attitude, this time. Haha. Not even trying to provoke shit. She felt like I was blaming her because it was her idea. But as usual, her dumbass just LOOOVVEESS to have an argument before she goes into her room or before she goes to bed. It's like a part of her daily ritual. Maybe if that was absolutely true, and a doctor told me she needed to let all of it out at the end of the day because of some strange weird disorder, that's fine with me. But bitch, don't blow shit up and make it branch off into other stupid shit. Just sit down, shut the fuck up, breathe, shut the fuck up again, stand up, then sit your ass the fuck down again, and chill the fuck out. I don't bother you when you watch your TFC all damn day. You have the whole entire downstairs as your fuckin' domain. No one bothers you for a reason. Godamnit. Pisses me off, because she can't just drop it, her arguments just go in circles and get absolutely fuckin' nowhere. She just keeps talking and talking and talking, just trying to piss me off. The quieter I stay, the more she tries provoking me. It's quite tedious, really. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

K, I think I'm done now. That just really pissed me off.

Chicken grease.

Jay Quade.

Beautiful People.

2010-05-31T11:28:00.001-07:00

Sometimes I like to think that tragedy in life makes for beautiful people. The way they deal with it is a maturity beyond 4 or 5 birthdays. When they say there's beauty in the breakdown, this must be what they mean. In school you're taught book smarts, but in life you learn emotional intelligence. Which is a key factor in beautiful people. There's plenty of hot, cute, pretty girls, but a respectable emotional intelligence is a rarity in this case. Saddens me because in the end, that's what I look for in a girl.

I also like to think, that what makes us who we are, are the things we can't choose. We can only choose things to make up for the things we can't. But the things we can't choose; who your family is, where you live, who you live by, where you were born, etc. Those are the things that make us who we are.

Death of loved ones are the easiest way to break someones spirit and break someones heart. But I don't think of the heart as breaking, because it's hatching, into something new. Something stronger, and better. Someone that has been broken and gained the strength to repair themselves, is the best kind of someone. They live life with so much conviction and they begin to mean everything they do, because they understand the meanings of life.

I'm pretty random. I guess I just had to get that out. For some reason.

Lol, note to self: You're a weird ass mothafucka.

note 2: you had a crazy dream. keywords: robbed, trolley, cruise ship, native americans, late, friends dating Amar'e Stoudemire, arguments, kissing, beautiful building, space elevator, minotaur. (O.O)

Jay Quade.

Because Tumblr is too much.

2010-02-12T01:35:00.000-08:00

So I thought I'd blog here.

Like, really blog.

I really don't know what to say. Um, shit, I don't know.

School is okay. I'm kinda liking my classes, but I'm still trying to be full time because of stupid ass mishaps and dumb shit happening. Without 4 classes, I won't be able to get my braces off. Lame. Haha. As far as cute girls, the ratio at MSJC is slim to none. There is one. But idk if shes my type. Hm, not like that'll work out anyway, I have someone on my mind 24/7 already. Which sucks. Ass balls. Sucks ass balls. I need myself a time machine, I just want to skip forward. I don't want to be in these moments right now. I'm so low at moment. *cue casper slide music* how low can ya go? can ya go down low? all the way to the flo? Shut the fuck up you stupid black man. If I find you, I will kill you for making such nonsense. I would not be surprised if the Black Eyed Peas made a remix to that song. Hahahah. Hilarious. Wow, I digress. Ahh, anyway.

So today, I skated to Albertsons to 'purchase' some things for a box I made for Valentine's Day. I had a little bit of fun making it. In like, an hour. Hopefully the receiver enjoyed the box more than I did making it. I kinda regret giving it to her though. Like I don't know why I did. Mm, I regret most of the things I do nowadays. Because I just feel so stupid. Life is definitely complicated and confusing. And that, is irritating. Ah, I'm not even really thinking of what I'm saying right now, I'm totally just typing away. Umm, I played Call of Duty 2 today and I won every match, people on their mics were cussing me out and stuff. Strange to say, it was a great feeling. Being hated for being the best. Then I took a nice bubble bath, yes, a bubble bath, no, not gay, but very uh, therapeutic. Haha. Thanks to my lovely friend giving me bubble mix for xmas. Ha love it. I like making myself bubble Santa, and making myself into Jersey Shore characters with shampoo. I'd like to call myself the Predicament. Or perhaps maybe Kaboom boom douche. Hahahah. I dig it. I'm not really so tired. But I think the ceiling would be better to look at than this screen. It's kinda killin' me.

Catch you later, Quader.

Computer Mediated Catharsis.

2009-09-15T16:42:00.000-07:00

Here goes nothing, and everything.

To begin, I really have no idea where to start, or what words to say. Because the reality of it, is that it's beyond words.

It is beyond verbal.

The only explanation is the way my heart feels when I look at you,

the way my hands sweat when I hear you talking,

the way I smile when you are,

the way my body feels weightless when you get excited,

the way I can stare at you and never get tired of seeing you at any time of the day,

and the way that I find you perfect in every way.

People are only imperfect because of the flaws they have. But over the course of learning you, and knowing everything about you, I've fallen in love with your flaws as well as everything you are. If perfect is an opinion, my opinion of you is flawless.

I know you may disagree 1oo%. But that's just how you are. Think what you want about yourself, because honestly, I like you for that too.

Sometimes I want to tell you that you're beautiful, and I want to ask you out to do something, I want to be spontaneous and predictable at the same time, I want to take you places that would make you feel special, or places that you wouldn't know you liked, or somewhere completely ordinary, just to make a memory with that moment. But I'm afraid I'm in no place to do that because of who I am. I'm no mystery to you, and I have no idea how to make you unlearn me. Sorry I've become so boring. Haha. I may not be the perfect one for you, but I'm willing to do whatever you ask me to.

When I go places I've never been, or see something amazing, the only things I think about are reasons why you aren't there with me. As if the full experience of something beautiful requires your presence.

Shooting stars,

horizons,

sunsets,

or dogs doing backflips can't take away the things I see in you.

Because I think of all the things I love in you before I can actually process the beauty in seeing a setting sun, or the awesomeness of a dog catching a frisbee mid backflip. (Which is the shit.) You still amaze me more.

I've never looked at anyone the way I look at you. It took time for me to realize that I want nothing more than the things you have to offer. And a line I want to cross with you, that I've never had the chance to cross. Being that our rules of attraction are like being on a see saw, I want to explore the rest of the park with you. I want to play hopscotch with the fine lines of relationships. Even though you dressed my grave, and closed the door to me. I want to find a way to have some kind of zombie attraction -because I totes love zombies a little more than you. Or a key to reopen that door, before I have to police that shit... Just kidding. I always find myself wondering 'what if' or how good or bad things would be if we were together. We'll never know until we try. I had a theory that maybe gas prices would go down and 2Pac will make a new cd and come out of hiding because the recession is making times tough for him to be 'dead'.

Gay people can't get with girls, not all because they don't want to, but because they can't. Then there's lesbians, then there's me. When it comes to other girls, I just can't. I find myself comparing, which is unfair to them. I want to not compare and take a chance, but I fail to do so.

Because that chance that I want to take has always been with you.

For the years of knowing you, never once did I place you on the same level as my regular friends, or my acquaintances, or anyone I knew. I always had a special place for you. When I said you were my favorite person in the world. I honestly wasn't kidding. You mean more to me than myself. I'll put you before anything, except bullets and busses, I'll gladly take those for ya.

I know, I know. I'm pathetic, but hey, I've been called worse. I'm sure your worth a little bit of insults and names. Because the only thing that matters to me is what you see. That's all. If you think I'm pathetic, then damn, looks like I'm a loser. Haha. Eff. Oh well.

Speaking of being pathetic, I hate that my favorite moments with you are the ones I dislike the most.

Saying goodbye;

Upside, the hug I get from you is wonderful.

Downside, You're leaving.

I'm 19, I'm young, and nothing else seems right at the moment other than trying until I can't. I'm sorry if I have ever hurt you, or treated you wrong. So I don't blame you for the way you treat me. But you know where I stand. So please, don't try hurting me on purpose. I've hurt myself enough knowing that I made you feel bad. Making you happy and making things easier for you is something I can do naturally.

Everything would be so much easier if we just tried.

I hate saying that.

Sometimes I have trouble saying certain things out loud, but with the use of my new found confidence via internet, I'm in love with you.

Plain and simple.

So those are a few of the things I can't say when you're awake, due to blind fear.

Things you teach my heart to speak, and my catharsis.

To save the trouble, here are a few words you might be thinking about after reading;

Lame, sensitive, pathetic, gross, stupid, oblivious, ridiculous, naive, pitiful, hopeless, fag, emotional, vulnerable, idiot, gahh, clueless, fragile, nerdy, bitchy, immature, dumb, desperate, helpless, futile, impossible.

To say the least.

I am aware of it all, and that's at least half the battle.

My heart is off my chest.

Jay Quade.

Making the switch.

2009-07-05T21:25:00.001-07:00

To Tumblr, it's kinda the facebook of blogging for me. I dig it. So dear followers, follow me on Tumblr, and on twitter @JayQuade. Thanks.

Reeling the Ceiling.

2009-06-19T10:28:00.000-07:00

Good Morning 8 followers. Well, 7 because I'm an idiot and i wanted to follow myself. ===>

Hahaha, yeahh. So I kinda have a big day planned. I just don't know when to get started.

-Doctor's Appt.

-Recycle.

-Jog and gym.

-Mall for bills.

-Read a book.

-Play video games.

k, doesn't seem too big, but they all take a long time.

yeahh...

So last night when I was laying down, I was staring at my ceiling and making it a movie screen for my thoughts, until I realized I was dreaming. And I had a weird dream.

Note to self : You had a weird dream.

it was full of ghosts, hotels, vacuums, weird people, and camping in the forest. Idk, it was weird, and random.

k, time to shower and do morning stuff.

It's easy to brush your teeth when you're smiling.

so start your morning off right.

Dear Followers.

2009-06-18T23:32:00.000-07:00

Thanks for following my blog and showing your wonderful interest in the things I have to say. I've been so MIA from the Quader that I thought I'd come back and show some of my lovins.

Let's play catch up and mustard shall we?

So, I have no idea what to say. Wow, epic fail on wanting to blog today. Fuck. K, so I guess I'll share one of my many theories on life.

I call it, "The Seasons of Love."

There's a guideline that we all don't really know we follow on the 'rules of attraction', and it starts in autumn.

Autumn is when you meet someone, and, hence the name, fall. You're attracted to them and you start 'talking' and getting to know bits and pieces of them.

Winter is when you get closer, and start actually learning one another and getting to know each other on a deeper, more personal level. Maybe it's because you stay indoors and have nothing else to do but talk for entertainment, or the fact that you can keep each other warm adds to the trust factor. No harm in warm embraces, so people are vulnerable to affection in the winter cold and are willing to tell you anything. Secrets are cold, and so is winter. So we make them warm.

Then Spring rolls around, and you guys pretty much know each other a little too well, which calls for fights, and or growing tired of one another. And its also when shit gets physical. Mmhmm, ;] physical. Springing those hormones. Therefore, Spring is simply make or break in the rules of attraction. So they (btw idk to 'they' is) put Valentine's Day right around that time just to help those who want to save their relationships and do something special for their significant other. But it's make or break time.

Then it's Summer. Hot Summer equals summer flings, less clothes, and being single. If your spring was break, then it's all about the summer flings. Sad but true, this is when you can call your relationship a relationshit, and kiss it goodbye, then start kissing alcohol bottles before you kiss that girl you think is hot at a party.

However, if your spring is a make, then you'll just continue on with the raging hormones you and your love dove have and be gross together. Congratulations to you.

Then its Fall, and the cycle goes all over again.

Upon guesstimation, I'd say a good 6o% of people fall into this category of lame-os, and the rest are an exception because they're those 'thick and thin' type people. Props to you 4o% -ers

I guess that's it, I hope you're either enlightened or entertained. Either one is fine with me, as long as you got to reading this part, because that means you're still reading and that you read the whole thing. Oh, and if you read this you're gay. Boom.

Jay Quade.

2009-06-18T14:41:00.001-07:00

Reporting for duty.

Daycation.

2009-06-07T23:05:00.001-07:00

So today, I did something that I never ever though I would ever do.

Go Tubing on a River.

. . . Yeah. It was for a family friend's birthday.

And it goes a little somethin' like this...

So we wake up at 9 to get ready, to spend about an hour and a half to figure out, 'what the fuck do you wear to a river?' fuckin noobs. mmhmm. shower, get ready, get pissed, leave on our adventure to the middle of nowhere, California.

If you were a serial killer, and you wanted to find a place to hide your dead bodies, go to where we went tubing.

So we got there after several times of thinking, "Where in the hell are we?" and "Are we even going the right way?" and "Omg are we gonna die here?" It was in some small town Indian Reservation area, and the population said 678. Like damn, seriously? Everyone must know everyone and what diseases they have. Shit.

So we get our tubes and head out to the river. Shit was intense, it was okay, and fun for the first 15 minutes, then the rest of the 45 was like, life or death. Rocks would just come out of nowhere and scratch your ass and shit, and I went off of a little waterfall and ate shit and was just flowing down the river. I thought I was gonna die for like, 3 seconds. I got my ass kicked by some rocks and rapids. Wild shit. Over all, it was pretty adventurous, kinda felt like Bear Grylls out there -just a little less bad ass- and it was pretty enlightening. Doing something I've never done before. Adds on to the list of things I can say I've done. First time for everything.

Then after that, the after party was at my cousins house, we made smores and had a little fire pit goin' on. Then we removed my cousins screen from his window and played Street Fighter 4 from outside. Great stuff.

Today was pretty adventurous. Seemed pretty productive I guess. Fun.

I wonder what else I'll randomly do.

Yours truly,

Jay Quade.

And then,

2009-06-06T13:56:00.000-07:00

jhsldfksdhhdf;gljks'fawo;vno;dsgjdfh! dfogjhdfhdfj.

jofldfh!

kjfisjgdsfjhldfh... =/

kjhdskjlfdf

hsafldsfhfgj, isdahfusdhgdfhfg.

jjdifaeofjsigjdfh, aksjferigmsdf. oasijfoesr;gh.

Jay Quade.

From me, to you.

2009-06-04T22:57:00.000-07:00

Power to you for taking your shit, and putting it together. Me of all people can safely say that you weren't being the person that you are, or what you could be. But the fact that you're aware is already winning the battle. To make efficient changes you have to make amends to who you see in the mirror and demand greatness from yourself. Success comes before work only in the dictionary. Don't begin to think you know what you're capable of and break those limits. Renzokuken! . . . =/ I'm glad you're becoming an agent of personal change. For what it's worth, my faith in you can be a catalyst. But believing in yourself matters most, so let your imagination give you wings and R. Kelly that shit. Um, not piss on it or grind on it or anything. Pre piss R. Kelly. The 'I Believe I Can Fly' R. Kelly. K, bad example.

Moving on.

Go you. I can relate to you because I made a decision to myself like this too. And so far it goes well.

Consists of video games and eating right to work out. =/

being better for myself is the shit.

What can be the best if I just keep getting better?

If you're wondering who you are.

1st Amendment (Freedom of Speech, Religion, Press, Assembly & Petition )
Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the government for a redress of grievances. (1791)

2nd Amendment (The Right to Bear Arms)
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. (1791)

3rd Amendment (Quartering of Troops)
No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. (1791)

4th Amendment (Protection from Unreasonable Search & Seizure)
The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized. (1791)

5th Amendment (Grand Jury, Double Jeopardy, Self-Incrimination & Due Process)
No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a grand jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the militia, when in actual service in time of war or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation. (1791)

6th Amendment (Criminal Prosecutions - Jury Trial, Right to Confront and to Counsel)
In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the state and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the assistance of counsel for his defense.(1791)

7th Amendment (Common Law Suits - Jury Trial)
In suits at common law, where the value in controversy shall exceed twenty dollars, the right of trial by jury shall be preserved, and no fact tried by a jury, shall be otherwise reexamined in any court of the United States, than according to the rules of the common law. (1791)

8th Amendment (Excess Bail or Fines, Cruel and Unusual Punishment)
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.(1791)

9th Amendment (Non-Enumerated Rights)
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. (1791)

10th Amendment (Rights Reserved to States)
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people. (1791)

Take notes, nigga.

Jay Quade.

Joss Beckoss.

2009-05-31T09:41:00.000-07:00

Meezy McNelson.

Not so good. But enjoy.

Jay Quade.

Viktor Sagat.

2009-05-27T02:06:00.000-07:00

Today I won the G3-A Championship.

I figure it'd be one for the books and it was my goal for the night.

K, Thanks.

Jay Quade.

Children Of Invention.

2009-05-24T22:46:00.000-07:00

How else would I show this to you?

So I'm really excited to see this movie because it looks like it has a lot of heart, and really gripping sad moments. Oh, and asians.

I guess. Hahaha.

Jay Quade.

Antidote.

2009-05-24T20:46:00.000-07:00

So I thought it was fun making up words.

Today's Sunday was very poopalackish, i performiated absolutely the negatorials of recreations and had a very borrysome chronolorial. In concludian, I set my retina on the tricoloritions of the reds, blues, and greens of the televisional set. With the entertanialments of Jon and Kate and and the violent sounds of kickeratories and punchimusses of Street Fighter. Then afterwards, I movitarioed to the Aid of Rite center to purchamachase cold creamials of ice. The concludials of the consumians of the icy pillow creams had lead to the mamalanialans of the camawamanalans and the pappatrapalapans with the granabanabarans accompanied with the damaramatarans and stammalamans.

. . .

I never thought I'd actually feel my brain cells dying off.

Idiocy, in perpetual motion.

FYL,

Jay Quade.

TyrannoThesaurus Rex.

2009-05-24T14:00:00.000-07:00

So today.

I fillidibriapricated with the maternal apitippicary for the ultimatieth chronocopotory. Then upon deppercaries I facardiaded with the familiarials and took a transportariation to the Los of Angeles.

. . .

So yeaah. My Friday was weird, and my Saturday was nice, so my Sunday still has it's opportunity to top the charts.

Friday I did absolutely nothing, then at like, 10ish I get a random text from a random person asking me if I wanted to hang out. haha, yeah, random. So we hung out until like, 2 AM.

Then Saturday I woke up at noon.

Broke fast like some Bacon and Eggs.

OJ, Bacon, Eggs, and Butter on 3 Pancakes.

Then got ready to see some Drake and Ryan Leslie in LA. But our seats were so high I think my nose was bleeding. The show was alright, full of some stinky, ignorant black peeps. -I'm not racist, but it's true. Hahaha. - Annndd, some stttuuppiiidd asss faatt cchiicckk kept burping and it smelt like a pack of hot dogs. I was so pissed, every 15 fuckin minutes. >=[

theeeeennn went to IN N OUT and went home.

LAKERS FTW.

KRIS ALLEN FTW.

Fuck you Adam Lambert fans!

I classify you Adam Lambert fans as McCain voters, Burger King eaters, and Pepsi drinkers.

GTFO.

The game needs change and I'm the motherfuckin' cashier.

Jay Quade.

B+ Thursday.

2009-05-21T22:23:00.000-07:00

Today was a wonderful day.

I guess.

Another day of waking up too late to go to class. Hahaha. It wasn't on purpose I swear, my dreams just like to take longer on Thursdays. =/

And thenn... I went to the gym and worked the fuck out. Still sore from it, and my arms feel like esspegetti. Re fueled with a protein shake and was ready for war.

Then after that I went to have a Jamathon with a dude that plays the drums, which was amazing because I've never really played guitar with a drummer. Just made the sounds more complete, and that shit got my creative juices flowing like laaaavvaaa. Did that just make you imagine how lava flows? Because I just got some weird visual of it like, bubbling in some hellish place. K, moving on.

I'm gonna make me some music. Because I got it in me.

*Tangent. What if heart beats were like, beats? Like, song beats. And everyone had like, a special kind of beat, like how we all have different finger prints and DNA and shit. Hahah, that'd be great. I wish my heart beat was Grindin' by Clipse. LOL. k, enough.

Then after that I had to go to class early because I had errands to run, so I had to bring my guitar into class. And my teacher was like, "Are you gonna serenade us with your guitar?"

So I was like, "Did you want me too? =/"

- "Why yes!"

Luckily I was in a good mood.

So I played some covers and stuff, then someone asked me if I wrote my own music. . .

..."Uh oh there she goes..."

and boom. It was great. I didn't think that song was even that great. But it seems catchy enough, so yay for me.

Pats on the back. Yay for people liking my stuff.

Then after class I went home and watched the Laker game.

Sadly, they lost to a stupid game. Damnit. Damn Nuggets! >=[

So that made my day a little less good.

Hence, B+ Thursday.

Yours Truly,

Jay Quade.

PS.

In acts of counterattacking the growing phenomenon of the FML website, where spare times goes to get killed, theres another site that I waste my time and laughter on, MLIA. MyLifeIsAverage.com

Here's a little taste of the idiocy;

Today, I felt full after eating dinner. I ate dessert anyway. MLIA.

Today, I forgot to tie my shoes. Then I realized I had no laces, so it was okay. MLIA

Today, I accidentally spelled my last name wrong on a test. I was using pencil though, so I erased it and spelled it correctly. MLIA.

Today, I had to choose between a strawberry flavored Dum Dum and a mystery flavored Dum Dum. I decided to be adventurous and choose the mystery flavor; it was strawberry flavored. MLIA

And the stupidity ensues, in perpetual motion.

Jay Quade.

Costco Pack.

2009-05-20T22:51:00.000-07:00

Two posts in one day!

It's a bargain I tell ya.

So today,

The Cavs lose against the Magics in a classic Buzzer Beater.

Kris Allen beats Madam Lambert on American Idol.

I learned a dance via youtube.

I started some choreo.

and I created some awesome chords on my gweet.

And the voice of Mickey Mouse died. RIP.

Who's gonna guide Sora now?! Nooooooo! =[

Dorn.

So today was nice. Just as random as I wanted it to be. Saw Kevin's new pad. Pretty ddaarrrnn spiff. Finna make his garage a dance room. Haha. woo!

aaannndd, um, yeah.

BOOM to all you mAdam Lambert fans. Kris Allen FTW, Adam Lambert can go brush his tongue now. BOOM.

Silence is golden.

Duct tape is silver.

My knuckles are brass.

Fuck with me, fuck you up.

FYL.

Jay Quade.

Infant Stages of A Wednesday.

2009-05-20T08:27:00.000-07:00

Good Morning Sunshine.

Cue 'Smile, it's morning!' playlist.

Brush the metal in my smile.

Break Fast like some eggs and bacon.

Brew me some coffee.

Enter Wednesday.

I have no idea what I'll do today. But for some reason, I'm excited not knowing, because I feel like it's gonna be cool. Nahsayin? Spontaneity.

So I've added something new to the Pet Peeves list; People that cover I'm Yours by Jason Mraz. Nothing gets under my skin more. I hate hate hate it! ARGH. Oh, and With You by Chris Brown. It's just so goddamn annoying. Gr. "the hearts all over the woorrrlld tonight." SHUTHAFUCKUP! >=O Hahaha. Oh, and that Adam Lambert fellow. Brush your tongue and eat a dick. Kris Allen all the way!

>=|

Tangent... So what if animals wore glasses? Hahaha, like, you take your dog to the Vet, and the Vet says they have to wear glasses. So your cat or dog wears glasses. . . yeah, it was funnier in my head. Cute, kinda. Like, ha ha your dog is a nerd.

Or something like that.

So I find blogs like a toilet for your emotions to shit in. It's nice to get it out. Or else it'll just kill you inside like a bad stomach ache. Personally I love it when my heart has diarrhea, and I just shit it out. But lately I haven't been having those. =/ Darn. Usually I have so much to say.

Today's goal is to get at least 65% of a song done on my guitar. I've been searching for inspiration and I think I've found just the right kind of awesome I need to get some kind of creative juices flowing. Just gotta unleash the beast. It's hard to be creative nowadays, because ideas can't be quarantined, and they spread like a sickness. Like coughing on someone, then they cough on someone else, and in the end, it all comes back to you like, ugh, that was my sickness! Damnit.

Or something like that.

Today I will search for innovation.

What a random entry.

Nothing but spontaneous embellishments.

hmph.

I'm off to do something great.

FYL,

Jay Quade.

Be Different.

2009-05-16T18:07:00.000-07:00

Here's to the crazy ones.
The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers.
The round pegs in the square holes.
The ones who see things differently.
They're not fond of rules.
And they have no respect for the status quo.

You can praise them, disagree with them, quote them,
disbelieve them, glorify or vilify them.
About the only thing you can't do is ignore them.
Because they change things.
They invent. They imagine.
They heal. They explore. They create. They inspire.
They push the human race forward.
Maybe they have to be crazy.

How else can you stare at an empty canvas and see a work of art?
Or sit in silence and hear a song that’s never been written?
Or gaze at a red planet and see a laboratory on wheels?
While some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius.

Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world,
are the ones who do.

Wednesday.

2009-05-13T16:05:00.000-07:00

So I want to make it a habit to have something to blog about everyday.

Or at least something to say. Hmm.

So lately I've been keeping myself occupied, and I've been on a muscle building diet. Yes. Oatmeal, Bananas, Chocolate Milk, Chicken, Fish, Protein Shakes, and Creatine. Accompanied with 2 hours at the gym everyday. Hahahahah, Pumpin' that iron damnit! My goal is to make myself over for the remainder of the time I have my braces on. Then when I get them off, I'll look like a new person with straight teeth. Woo! Ryan Reynolds Goal. No Homo, but he's my body hero, and he makes me homo. I've got a little man crush on him.

Moving on.

So anyway, along with keeping myself occupied, I'm going to the SunGod tour this Friday! Which equals; NERD, Motion City Soundtrack, Sarah B, The Cool Kids, Iron and Wine, and some other peeps, and the comedians from Best Week Ever WOO! Then the Saturday after is Jaea's 13th birthday party, and my mom invited a lot of people, and she told me to invite my friends. Then I told her, "I don't have any friends, Mom." hahahah. =/ I would like to go to K-12 though. So I can tell Keone that he's my hero. hahaha. Anywho, then the week after that, I'm going to see Drake, and Trey Songz and Ryan Leslie in LA. Hollaaaa. That's gonna be coool. Finna learn me some Drake songs so I can rap along. Hhahaha, that's the best. Then! The week after THAT, I'm going to see Dane Cook. Shoooot! Front row seats nigga. No, not David Cook, we made sure of that. hahahaha. Anndddd, I've been working on a new song that is catchy like a butterfly net, and that'll catch my butterflies and maybe steal someone else's. Go Lakers.

"You can ask me if I like pickles, and I'll say 'No.' , you can ask me if the Rockets beat the Lakers, and I'll say 'No.' , then you can ask me if I care, and I'll just say, 'No.' "

Something like that.

Off to the gym. Holla.

FYL's

Jay Quade.

Something New.

2009-05-11T23:19:00.001-07:00

Ice Cold Propsicles.

2009-04-28T12:33:00.000-07:00

So I heard this, and I was sold.

I totally forgot it was even a Kanye West song.

And it's exact same way my heart would've sang it. OMG's to this guy. He Wins.

Right?! Shits the shit! Like fuck.

k, just thought I'd share this. I'm afraid its gonna be played out now all because of me sharing it with the world. =/ But then again, I'm doing him a favor.

I just hope people appreciate it and not make it a teeny bopper phenomenon.

Jay Quade.

Dinosaurs, Rockets, & Robots.

2009-04-25T09:43:00.000-07:00

I Loved you when we were dinosaurs, and left you as a rocket. Only to return in hopes that we're together as robots.

How to be a zombie.

2009-04-23T21:49:00.000-07:00

You Die.

Hey Jay!

You're a fat idiot. You keep lying to yourself and now you've forgotten who you are. What the hell were you thinking you stupid piece of worthless dog shit? You're better than all of this crap and you know damn right you are. So stop with all these pathetic attempts at happiness when you know you can do a better job finding it in Resident Evil 5. It's about that time again where you should put your life on pause and set yourself back into succession and being better, because it's stuff like this that gets in your way. Bad things have its substitutions. So there isn't much of a difference from then, and now. You're better off alone, and if you have enough class, you'll find someone with just as much that will chase after you, and not keep you as the chaser. You play guitar because maybe it was meant to be. So maybe this has a big reason behind it all, maybe you aren't the one that's supposed to be hurting. Point and laugh that the ones with pain, because everything is fun and games until someone gets hurt, because then, it's hilarious. You can handle it, you just have to accept the facts and go fish. Quit being such a fuckin' shit head. Because you're the best person I know and you deserve to NOT be a fuckin' shit head. Stop smoking that cig, toss it to the concrete, stomp, pivot and bounce to the ounce with your middle finger cocked and ready to shoot but your mouth on safety. Because that shit is over with, and you shouldn't let it kill you any longer. You're tongue is past pushing and shoving, its ready to bruise hearts and shoot word bullets. Your zipped lips aim to kill. So imprison your tongue with a steel chains and the teeth of a fake ass smile. You're on the edge, past the point of having the sympathy for whoever pushes you off. I feel sorry for them. They should be scared when I say, Let life take care of them. Because nothing is as cruel. You put too much time into figuring shit out and hanging onto that thread of hope. Reality check, stupid ass, your plans were futile. Being a zombie isn't too bad, and you love the damn things so god damn much why not be happy as one? NO. You're a zombie killer, you see people who are dead on the inside, and you kill the piece of shit. Whether they like it or not, you can make them love life and smile from ear to ear and head to toe. It's your gift, so share it like everyday is Christmas/Kwanzaa/Chanukah/A Birthday. You know you're the shit to the maxfinity. So eat your worries with a burger and a side of curly fries and a ice cold pineapple Fanta. Enjoy that meal with all of your favorite things. Because you, mutha fuckin bitch, deserve to feel like a million bucks, not after taxes, a full million in a duralumin case. Because you'll bring a smile to anyones face. If people refuse to have the faith in you, don't lose faith in yourself. You're better than the rest. Win or lose, you've played a good game. Now get back onto your feet you lame piece of shit. The joke is on you now. If you can take a punch, you can take a punchline. Laugh at yourself. It's like Tylenol. Fuck blogging about your sadness and shitty days, when you can write about how you don't take no shit, like a urinal. You get pissed off, but mutha fucka, you don't take no shit. Plain and simple yo.

The best of you is up your sleeve, so even you shouldn't begin to think you know the things you're capable of.

Godspeed, Captain Backfire.

I hope it doesn't mean I'm crazy because I wrote that to myself.

But hey, its better than venting, and I'm totally slapping some sense into me.

Jay Quade.

enJOY. (:

2009-04-23T16:37:00.000-07:00

hey i'm jay

i'm gay

&i like tayshay.

he said it,

but i'm typing it.

Fuckin' Kid!

2009-04-18T11:23:00.000-07:00

This kid makes me say words like, "What" "The" and "Fuck" and "Damn" and "Kid". I swaydagot. He takes the cake.

Watching him makes me want to break my guitar and deny that I ever played. Hahahah. Fuckin', August Rush over here.

Selective Hearing.

2009-04-13T22:28:00.000-07:00

So, I love iPod earphones.

Only due to the fact that no one knows if it's really on or not. So it gives you the power of selective hearing. I like to make clean breaks from lectures from my mom, and I can answer less questions. So I love it.

It makes you seem occupied. Ah, good stuff. I like to add an occasional head nod to the music that ISN'T playing. It's great. But if anyone found out my secret. That'd be awesomely awkward. Awksome. It'd be awksome. That's what I'll call it.

awk⋅some [Awk-Suhm]

Adjective

1.) When you embarrass yourself, and it's hilarious because you know that you're a complete idiot.

2.) An awkward moment that is awesome.

Yeah, idk.

Speaking of awkward moments, here are some good ones.

1. Crossing a crosswalk alone, and trying to hurry, while all the drivers are just watching you cross the street. Totally takes the cool out of your step. Hahaha.

2. Tripping in the shower. You just feel like a dumbass because you fell while you were naked. No one is there to see you, but it's embarrassing slip while butt ass neckit.

3. Anything that involves a bad haircut, and public speaking.

4. Saying an offensive joke. It's only funny if you're not the person that said it. Because then you can laugh at how stupid THEY are, and how people get offended. Oh, it's the breeasst.

5. Getting in trouble in public.

Something like that.

Blah, I'm bored to the max.

How was my Easter you ask?

It was okay, went to my cousin's house and had family time. I kinda miss having Easter egg hunts. But the only person that's like, under the age of 18 is my little sister. Wow, weez all grow'd ups now. So instead of collecting eggs, I just ate half of the continent and fell into a food coma.

Whenever I have kids, I'll make it a tradition to hide the eggs for them to hunt one year, then the next year, they'll hide the eggs for us to find. And we'll keep that tradition alive until they're all 40 years old or something. It'll get so extreme, it'll be like, all over the world. Or like, in each others houses. Like, taking a shit, and seeing an easter egg in the shower. Etc.

K, I'm gonna go play guitar. I'm learning this bad boy.

Let's go chemotherapy.

Jay Quade.

Note to self.

2009-04-07T21:43:00.001-07:00

Holocaust.

Nigga, you da troot.

2009-04-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

So, I'm no good at like, showing how I feel. I read this book about birthdays, and what your greatest challenge is depending on your birthday. And it said I have a hard time showing how i really feel. Maybe that's why I suck at blogging. Sigh.

So today, I woke up and ... (see Bottom of April 4th Entry 'Insides Out') then I cleaned the inside of the car. And got in trouble for not doing a good job. hahaha. Maybe I just didn't want to do it. I just stayed outside in the front to not be inside. Blah. That took a good 2 hours, mainly just sitting and listening to my iPod on shuffle. Just sitting, and thinking. Then I went inside and mopped the floor. Then blah...

Man, this is so boring.

Umm. Maybe that picture will entertain you.

Jay Quade.

Insides, out.

2009-04-04T23:10:00.000-07:00

So I guess I felt like blogging right now.

Um, yeah. I feel weird right now. Like, pushed, and pulled, all at once. I know I'm not being used. At least I hope not. I guess I'm just afraid of that. I've been put in a situation like that already, but I know she's not capable of hurting me the same way. I just hope I mean something more to her.

It's funny how history repeats itself. Not doing anything about it will just make everything go into circles. I just wish she would let her guard down, because I will take her fears and make burgers with them. So I can show her, hurting her is not in my intentions. Only protecting her and keeping her happy is. Treating her with the best of me is something I know how to do by heart. When it came to girls, its always been her. The special place she has in my heart has no comparison to anyone else. She stays in a 2-story house there, and everyone one else pays rent in the hotel across the left ventricle. I always knew she could make me happy, happier than anything. I know I can call her anytime and just talk about anything. Put wings on time and send it soaring. She's the best person I know, and I always hope for the best between us. Shooting stars and wishing wells know how repetitive my wishes can be, and I bet they say, "damn muthafucka, still?!" I'm almost convinced that me and her together is like, the answer to everything. The economy will be back to normal, Elvis will come back to life, Tupac will come out of hiding, Soulja boy will get shot and killed, and the world will just turn. Man, I feel like I don't know what to say. Err, So my Cinderella computer is forcing me to end here. So I will. Sunshine and blogging time comes tomorrow. Goodnight, D. Quader.

"I can't find the words you teach my heart to speak." -J. Morrison.

EDIT.

It's April 5th. Good Morning, Darth Quader.

So picture this; Spaghetti Noodles, Cooked into meat, then put into 2 pieces of Garlic Bread, and then put like, spaghetti sauce or something. Fuckin, Spaghetti Burger! Right? Right?! =D! I like to put exclamations after my smiles to make them seem more intense. =D!!!! hahaha.

So anyway. I had a pretty good sleep last night. But I woke up to the sound of my family yelling, "THE DOGS RAN AWAY!!!" >=[ Darn dogs. It was quite a scene. My little sister, Jaea, was screaming outside. I bet the neighbors thought she was getting murdered. haha. Yikes McGikes. But they're back now. Yay. Oh btw, Darth, I have 2 dogs; Marle & Mishka. Marle is a cute little white dog, named after Marle from a video game called Chrono Trigger. Yes, I'm a geek. Then Mishka was named after a clothing brand. Their Mishka bear logo fits the little gremlin stare that is my black dog, Mishka. Annd, yeah.

So wtf are blogs for anyway? Hm. haha. Ooh, brunch time.

Jay Quade.

James Morrison walks in my shoes.

2009-04-04T16:28:00.000-07:00

When you lower me down,

So deep that I

I can't get out

And when you're lost, lost and alone,

Yes, you'd think think it was the place,

You'd come back for more

If you don't want me to leave,

Then don't push me away,

Rather blow out the lights you can watch it all fade

But I'm going nowhere

I'm gonna stay

When you just wanna fight

When you're closing your eyes

'Cause you don't wanna love me

And when there's no, no storm,

Then how can I feel the calm,

If there's nothing, nothing left to lose,

Then what is this feeling that keeps on bringing me back to you?

So I'm gonna stay,

When you just wanna fight

And you're closing your eyes

Because you don't wanna love me,

I said I'm gonna stay,

Oh yes I will,

You can't push me too far, there's no place in my heart,

Where I don't wanna love you.

If you asked me to leave

And I walked away

We'd still be alone

And We'd still be afraid

I'm going nowhere

'Cause I'm gonna stay

When you just wanna fight

When you're closing your eyes

'Cause you don't wanna love me

I'm gonna stay

All the tears that I've cried,

I could leave them to dry

If you don't wanna love me

I could leave them to dry

If you don't want to love me.

Afril Pools Day.

2009-04-01T12:27:00.001-07:00

Dear World,

Expect the unexpected! Cuz I'm finna prank yo ass.

Don't

2009-03-31T21:07:00.001-07:00

"Don't." -Dale Denton.

Hm, So I thought I'd start something in this blog. At least make a foundation or something.

Um, so metacognition. Mm... So today, I woke up at 11, and I had class today that started at 9. =/ Whoops. Then I ate cereal, and got it stuck in my braces. Mm, Ah Luhv It. Watched TV, hibernated, hung out with Francypants, became an african warrior, ate some reconciliation pancakes, annd then went home. Nothing else is really coming to mind right now, other than how great James Morrison is. He's like, a Pop, Folk, R&B, Acoustic Genius. Something like that. Take a listen, nigga is king. Umm, yeah. Boring entry. But I promise to come off as insightful and worth a read next time around.

Mr. Blog Man, you have my word.

Word is bond, it's butta baby.

Jay Quade.

The Darth Quader.

DUDE!

Another Day of The Program

Blogging Again.

Hey You.

...

Placebo Effect.

First Of The Month.

Retiring the Quader.

WOD.

Squares.

Hello Again!

Thursday.

Someone

Bloggink.

Tuckering 2.

Tuckering.

Nutshell-tered.

Parents; sometimes they really are fuckin' idiots.

Beautiful People.

Because Tumblr is too much.

Computer Mediated Catharsis.

Making the switch.

Reeling the Ceiling.

Dear Followers.

Jay Quade.

Daycation.

And then,

From me, to you.

2nd Amendment (The Right to Bear Arms)A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. (1791)

3rd Amendment (Quartering of Troops)No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. (1791)

8th Amendment (Excess Bail or Fines, Cruel and Unusual Punishment)Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.(1791)

9th Amendment (Non-Enumerated Rights)The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. (1791)

10th Amendment (Rights Reserved to States)The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people. (1791)

Take notes, nigga.

Joss Beckoss.

Viktor Sagat.

Children Of Invention.

Antidote.

TyrannoThesaurus Rex.

B+ Thursday.

Costco Pack.

Infant Stages of A Wednesday.

Be Different.

Wednesday.

Something New.

Ice Cold Propsicles.

Dinosaurs, Rockets, & Robots.

How to be a zombie.

enJOY. (:

Fuckin' Kid!

Selective Hearing.

Note to self.

Nigga, you da troot.

Insides, out.

James Morrison walks in my shoes.

Afril Pools Day.

Don't

2nd Amendment (The Right to Bear Arms)
A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security of a free state, the right of the people to keep and bear arms, shall not be infringed. (1791)

3rd Amendment (Quartering of Troops)
No soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law. (1791)

8th Amendment (Excess Bail or Fines, Cruel and Unusual Punishment)
Excessive bail shall not be required, nor excessive fines imposed, nor cruel and unusual punishments inflicted.(1791)

9th Amendment (Non-Enumerated Rights)
The enumeration in the Constitution, of certain rights, shall not be construed to deny or disparage others retained by the people. (1791)

10th Amendment (Rights Reserved to States)
The powers not delegated to the United States by the Constitution, nor prohibited by it to the states, are reserved to the states respectively, or to the people. (1791)